A Cold and Broken Hallelujah,19 of 40

So, roughly a year ago we found out that we were going to have a baby. It was the answer to a lot of prayers, and both the end of wondering if we could and the beginning of wondering what kind of parents we would be. Nine months of pregnancy and almost 4 months of life later here we are. Henry is a happy little kid, so I guess we haven't done anything irreparable to him yet.

Now, onto other things...

While I was doing dishes tonight I was listening to the song Hallelujah, all four versions that I have on my iPod. It is a song I first heard in the movie Shrek, but the scene that comes to mind most was in an episode of the West Wing where a secret service agent that C.J. had fallen for was killed. It is a song with a lot of Biblical allusions in it, but there are also verses with perhaps questionable content. It is a song that has been interpreted many different ways by many different artists. The four versions I own are by Jeff Buckley, Derek Webb, Justin Timberlake and SafetySuit. Of them, I probably prefer Buckley's.  It is a song that connects with a lot of people for a lot of different reasons, for me it is the following verse that connects the deepest.


Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It’s not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who has seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Yeah, it probably seems strange that this particular verse is the one that resonates with me, considering that I am a pastor and it allows the possibility that there may not be a God. Well, I suppose I would say first, I haven't always been a pastor, but beyond that I would say two things. First I would say that I don't know there is a God, I believe that there is one, I believe that this God created us and helps us out, I believe this God loves us so much that Jesus was sent to show us the extent of that love, but I cannot say that I know there is a God. In the end I could die and that could be the end of it all, I doubt it, but I don't know. Beyond that I would say that it is the second part of this verse that touches me the deepest, because it is in the times when I doubt that my hallelujah's have the most power.

I am probably thinking this way in part because of my sermon this upcoming Sunday. For the next four weeks I am going to be preaching a series I have titled Last Words. Each week I am going to be preaching on one of the things Jesus said while he hung on the cross. And I am starting with, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" There are many things that I think we can learn from the cries that Jesus made while his earthly life was fading, and from this one statement I could preach multiple sermons, but the focus is going to be on how we deal with life when we are disappointed with God, when we feel we've been let down or left alone by the Almighty.

I think that Jesus is telling us that it is all right to have doubts, as long as we still hold onto God. After all Jesus still says My God, My God, he doesn't forget that God is there, he just wants to know why he has to be going through what he is going through. We all wonder that from time to time. I have a friend who recently lost the baby she was carrying, and I am sure she wants to know why. I have another friend who is getting married this summer and feels let down by her parents who aren't exactly supportive of the marriage, and I am sure she wants to know why. I have parishioners who are going through a multitude of things and I am sure they want to know why. I have a friend who lost her dad, another whose mother had a stroke, and both are asking why. Jesus understands the question 'why?' It's something we can be sure of, because you don't feel you've been forsaken and not ask why.

In those moments I believe that God hears our questions and desperately just wants to hold us, but we don't always allow God, or at least don't recognize God's touch. In those moments I believe that God sees our tears and sheds some as well. Right around a year ago we cried tears of joy at the word 'pregnant' on a stick that was recently urinated on, but before that moment we had shed a lot more tears of disappointment and worry that we may never see that word. We went through years of questions and doubts before we ever had our time of joy, unfortunately that's how it happens for most of us, the disappointment comes before the rejoicing. I think the most important thing for those of us who have faith is to still cry Hallelujah in the times of doubt and pain, it may be a cold a broken Hallelujah, but it is still a Hallelujah.

Peace and Love,
Pastor K