3

So...1 was about me and the blog.  2 about marriage. So, naturally 3 is about  baby.

Last night we went and saw What To Expect When You Are Expecting with a couple who is also preparing for their first child.  It was a much better movie than I was expecting, unlike a lot of recent comedies I have seen not every funny moment was in the trailer.  The acting was decent, the story, while following a multitude of story-lines, wasn't as bloated as say Valentine's Day or New Years Eve, to me it was more manageble, like a Love Actually.

What it did show pretty well is that pregnancy is a many varied experience, no two women's seem to be the same.  It seems like it is an almost daily occurrence when Mary tells me that someone has told her something about our baby because she is experiencing x like this person experienced x and therefore our baby will be a boy/girl, depending on what their child is.  In addition it seems that most women seem to become pregnancy experts because they had a child, and while I am sure experiencing pregnancy, much like experiencing anything, makes you more knowledgeable about the subject, it does not necessarily make you an expert.  The point is that my wife is allowed to experience what she experiences when she experiences it.

For those who have seen the movie I most identified with J Lo's husband, for most of the movie he was a little scared about having a kid, and for most of our marriage I was that guy.  I have never been the type of person who desperately wanted kids, if they came fine, if they didn't even better.  So, to be honest I entered into trying to have a child with a lot of trepidation.  The whole time I was of two minds each time we found out we weren't pregnant, a little sad but a lot relived.  This made me even more concerned about how I would feel if/when we ever were pregnant.  A part of me always worried how I would react, if I would be able to not show my fright and worry if that day ever came.

Well, that day came a few months ago.  Mary came home from work and said "I want to take a test."  We had taken one just a few days before and nothing, so I didn't really see the point, but I said, "OK."  She went up to take the test and then I heard her walking around in the bedroom, figuring it was a no I went upstairs to console her.  I went into the bedroom and said, "No, huh?" And she told me that it needed a few minutes to work so she had left it in the bathroom.  I decided to go check on it, fully expecting a 'not pregnant' instead I picked it up and it read 'pregnant.'

In that moment my world changed, not only were we going to have a baby, but I was really and truly happy about it, in that moment I was really looking forward to being a dad.

I can't explain how or why but seeing that one word changed me down to my very fibers, since about 25 I had become a constant worrier, I don't really know how that happened, when I was young I used to say that I didn't get stressed about anything.  But somewhere along the way that all changed and I had the occasional panic attack, I would always see the dark clouds and miss the sun.  But since that day when the test read 'pregnant' I worry a lot less, which is odd, shouldn't I worry more?  Shouldn't the idea that I am going to have another mouth to feed, another person to clothe, a human being that is entirely reliant on Mary and I make me worry more?  Maybe it should, but it doesn't, I can honestly say that I believe, no more than that, I know that no matter what obstacles come we will figure them out as a family.

I didn't see it coming, but I am so glad he's here...welcome Kenny, the family man.  To that end I would like to share the lyrics to the song Family Man by Andrew Peterson.

I am a family man 
I traded in my mustang for a minivan 
This is not what I was headed for when I began 
This was not my plan 
I am a family man 

But everything I had to lose 
Came back a thousand times in you 
And you fill me up with love 
Fill me up with love 
And you help me stand 
'cause I am a family man 

And life is good 
That's something I always knew 
But I just never understood 
If you'd asked me then you know I'd say I never would 
Settle down in a neighborhood 
I never thought I could 

But I don't remember anymore 
Who I even was before 
You filled me up with love 
Filled me up with love 
And you help me stand 

So come on with the thunder clouds 
Let the cold wind rail against us, let the rain come down 
We can build a roof above us with the love we've found 
We can stand our ground 
So let the rain come down 

Because love binds up what breaks in two 
So keep my heart so close to you 
And I'll fill you up with love 
Fill you up with love 
And I'll help you stand 
'Cause I am a family man 

I'm saving my vacation time 
For Disneyland 
This is not what I was headed for when I began 
This was not my plan 
It's so much better than

Peace and Love,
Pastor K