Psalm 51
It's been almost 12 years since I wrote what you're about to read. Almost 12 years since I got tired of wiping out on the slopes and decided to hang up my snowboard and get warmth and rest in the ski lodge. Almost 12 years since I sat down next to my friend Chris and listened as he played guitar, some songs that previously existed and some that did not. It was during one of those songs that didn't previously exist that I took out a pen and notepad and wrote the lyrics to Renewal, a song based on Psalm 51.
Psalm 51 is the Psalm of understanding and repentance, a Psalm where David's eyes are finally opened up to the disaster that he has orchestrated. David's men were at war but the king was at home. He called a woman to him, and no woman can say no to the king and live. He bed this woman, though she was married to another, and impregnated her. Then in order to cover up his sin he summoned her husband who was off fighting a war that David told him to fight. David hoped that the soldier would bed his wife and that his sin would be assumed to be the man's offspring, but Uriah, being a man of higher moral fiber than David was, could not sleep with his wife while his friends were dying in a far off place. David then decided that the only course of action to cover his sin was to kill Uriah so he sent him to the front and told his commander to pull everyone else back. The prophet Nathan then comes and shows David how awful his deeds were and Psalm 51 is what proceeds from that understanding.
I have never done what David did, but I understand that I am not a man without sin, so I also understand the need of repentance, of renewal, and so I added my own words to David's.
Renewal
I've been down for oh so long
didn't know what to say
or even what to do
I've been fighting, fighting you for so long
and I'm so tired of trying on my own
Chorus:
clean me, wash me, purify me
clean me, wash me, restore me
to you
When I walked away, when I climbed to you
didn't know what to say
or even what to do
I've been fighting, fighting me for so long
and I'm sick and tired of trying it on my own
Chorus:
Bridge:
bring back the joy
renew my spirit
unseal my lips
and let me shine
Lord, let me shine
Chorus:
+ How do you need to be honest about your own failings?
+ In what areas of your life do you need renewal?
Very good song. I am sure I sang it to a whole different tune! I prayed the first paragraph after I read it. I struggle so much. I have panic disorder, and I tell you this so you can pray please, but I often have panic attacks about going to hell when I die. And in a middle of a panic attack it is so hard to calm down and it's total agony. Thanks for sharing your story. -elisa
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