So, Is it possible to be honest and vague at the same time? Cause that's what I want to be right now. Well, partly. I would rather be completely honest but for reasons that I can't go into I cannot be honest right now, not completely.
I cannot tell you what's been going through my mind. I cannot tell you how I feel. I cannot go into the things I'd like to go into. I cannot because...
It has been a bad week [and yes, it is only Tuesday...] certain things have happened that have caused me to question other things, including myself. I am told that maybe things will work out for the better long term, but right now I don't give a rip about long-term, what I do find myself caring about is this moment and the next moment. Then, as is the usual case, other things happened as well that has grown my anger my stress my resentment and my worry.
I'm probably not even supposed to say that last sentence, probably not supposed to feel those things, let alone actually speak their names but I want to be honest, even if that honesty has to be vague.
I exist in a place between and that place has been grating on my nerves for quite some time. One step forward, one step back, two steps forward, one step back, one step back, and I am where I began. If you've been there you get it, if you haven't I envy you. Envy, another thing I shouldn't admit to, but I am beginning to get tired of what I am and am not supposed to admit to.
I don't have it all together, and I haven't for quite some time. This should not come as a surprise to anyone who has read this blog extensively, nor should it for those who have read sporadically.
In my last blog I alluded to the fact that I miss who I used to be, more and more I feel the need to find that guy again. Though, I'm not exactly sure where along the way I lost him. This month more than anything else, I am on a quest to rediscover the person I used to be, because I need a little of him to make this package that is me even better.
Peace and Love,
Pastor K
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