So, a week ago I talked about it being a bad week, and it continues. Among a plethora of other things that have entered my world in the 8 days that have been this month,my car broke down. We took it in last Thursday and picked it up on Friday. Then I drove it home and it had the same issue that we took it in for. I called our mechanic and he said to bring it back in when I could and they would continue looking it over to see if there was some other problem.
We brought it in on Saturday morning and Saturday afternoon we got a call saying that they still couldn't diagnose the problem yet, so the car sat there until Monday. Monday I attended the General Assembly for Indiana Ministries of the Church of God. Before the end of the day I got another phone call from my mechanic.
This call was not a good one, it turns out that my car had one of two problems. The first option was that I had a blown head gasket, and because of the complexities of my particular engine that would be about $2000 to fix. The other option was that I had a cracked cylinder, which would necessitate getting a new engine, or rather a used engine, with slightly less miles than my current engine has on it (right around 95,000). This second option is in the neighborhood of $2500. In addition, my car is a 2002, in peak form it is only worth $3500. In case you haven't guessed, we decided to not fix it.
We picked it up today and I drove it the four miles or so home, and in those four miles things were clunking around. By the time I got home my car was smoking in several places.
This evening I went through the task of removing my personal items from my car, because we are most likely going to be selling it for peanuts to a scrap yard or to someone who buys junk cars. Unfortunately buying another car is just not in the cards at the moment, so we are going to be living as a one car family. Thankfully our schedules work in such a way that it shouldn't cause too much issues. But...
As I sit here typing these words I could look out my window and see my car, which I will most likely never drive again. It hasn't been the greatest vehicle to ever be driven, but it has been mine. It has been hit 3 times while sitting still (it's a red SUV). It hasn't had air conditioning in years. It has been overheating randomly. My battery connections kept getting corroded. But, it has been my car and I paid for it from day one. And now it just sits there.
Peace and Love,
Pastor K
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Sunday, October 6, 2013
The tension between stagnation and progress
This blog comes from the confluence of the following three moments:
Moment #1: The other day at work my coworker brought in a book that she is reading for a college class. The book is titled, The Way We Never Were, and it seems [through a quick look at the table of contents] to be about how we often romanticize the past through our incorrect reminisces of the past.
Moment #2: This afternoon on the car ride home from church, Mary was telling me how several people asked her about Henry's shoes, or lack thereof. She mentioned how they all expect him to wear shoes since he is now walking some. We talked about how the current understanding is that babies learn to walk better if they do not wear shoes in the beginning. We continued to talk about progress and how some people don't realize that there has been any [progress] since, for instance, they raised children.
Moment #3: Later in the car ride [it is 2+ hours] Mary read me an entry from a blog that someone she follows on twitter had re-posted. The post was about a particular church that the author and his two sons were visiting. It was a centennial anniversary Sunday, but the church only seemed to be focusing on where they had been with no obvious look as to where they might be headed.
These three moments built upon each other, one after another, until my head was awash in the past and how we sometimes get stuck there in the moment. The thoughts swirled around a little more and I started thinking about those people who do not realize that progress is happening right around them. They fail to have the peripheral vision to see what is going on right around the corner. After a few seconds my brain then moved to that church who had a past but no semblance of a future. I started to wonder if the problem of the church in today's American context is that we are stuck in the past, not realizing the progress that is happening all around us.
I don't know if you've ever thought about it before, but to a large extent, the American church is decades behind the culture in many aspects. For instance, in another moment in the car ride, my wife and I were talking about certain people's expectations of what a woman should wear when they are preaching to the church. We were talking about national leaders and how they have an antiquated view of women, believing that they should never wear pants when preaching while others are indignant about the casualness of some leaders in the church. Another moment we were discussing the way that even our church conferences tend to be traditional..
[If we are really honest we would understand that the "cutting edge" church is still only bordering on relevant in the society. After all has the church ever touched someone the way that Jay Z, Justin Timberlake, Macklemore, Usher, or even Madonna or U2 has?]
In another moment, my wife and I were discussing the relevance of this past summer's Global Gathering in light of a local Anderson resident who asked Mary "What was up with that gathering thing they had this summer? That was kinda weird, a gathering." And we have been patting ourselves on the back for the great things that happened there.
The things we think are 'right' are antiquated.
The things we think are 'progressive' are still miles behind the current social landscape.
The things we think sound 'cool' are questionable in the the minds of non-church goers.
The words we use make no sense to anyone not indoctrinated in the same dictionary.
Is it any wonder that when most people think about the "Church" they think of hypocritical, gay bashing, hate mongers?
Is it any wonder that people leave the church in droves and come back in a trickle?
Based on the earlier three moments I believe I have three action steps for the church as a whole, steps for us to reenter the conversations that we have been excluded from, steps for us to become relevant again, steps for us to save ourselves, because unbelievers may be 'lost' but the church is 'dying.'
Step One: We need to begin to examine where our nostalgia takes us. We need to look at our past with 20/20 vision not the rose colored glasses that we tend to wear. Except for the first two weeks or so the early church is not something that we should be attempting to be like. If we are honest, it had at least as many issues as we have today. In my particular Christian 'movement' we need to let go of the idea that D.S. Warner, D.Otis Teasley, F.G. Smith and every other initial from our past did not have the ultimate knowledge of anything. They had some brilliant thoughts for their time, but their time is not our time, let us come up with our own brilliant thoughts for this time.
This is not to say that there is nothing we can learn from the past, but we must remember one important thing, it is the past, not the present, and most definitely not the future.
Step Two: We need to begin to examine the successes of our culture and build upon them. Too often within the church we have done the first part, examined the successes of the culture, and then we just mimicked them in our subculture. This lead us to automatically be behind the culture. Instead we need to build upon the successes that we find, becoming more than they are, not just equals. Perhaps we just haven't trusted God to help us go farther, but my Bible has something about us being able to do all things through Christ who strengthens us.
If God is on our side then we can build upon those successes and we will be in front of the culture. We have a message that no non-religious entity has, a message of love, acceptance, grace, forgiveness, hope, strength, and peace.
Step Three: Once we examine honestly where we've been and where we need to go we then need to actually attempt to go there. Examining our past honestly will do no good if we then don't use our knowledge to move forward. Knowing what the successes of the culture are will mean nothing if we do not attempt to expand them. As I already said we as a church have been living in the past, and we have been doing it for too long. We have linked ourselves to ideologies that have been more political than religious. We have linked ourselves to thoughts time and time again that are proven to be unwelcome in the society. How in the name of all that's holy has the culture time and time again been more moral than the church? The church should be leading the fight for the rights of people, not fighting them. The church should be leading on issues of human dignity, homelessness, hunger, war and genocide, nuclear and chemical weapons. The church that was founded on the principles and life of Jesus should be ahead of the culture not lagging behind.
Whether you love or hate what I have just said I hope you leave with at least this thought bouncing around in your head: "Will the church be at all relevant in 50 years?" I believe we can be, not only that, I believe the church can be stronger in 50 years than we are today. It will not be easy. In fact, it will be hard, as hard as taking up our crosses and following Jesus.
It is my prayer that we will have the strength of mind, strength of heart, strength of soul, and strength of faith to do the things we need to do in order to be the church [the hands and feet of Christ] this world needs us to be.
Peace and Love,
Pastor K
Moment #1: The other day at work my coworker brought in a book that she is reading for a college class. The book is titled, The Way We Never Were, and it seems [through a quick look at the table of contents] to be about how we often romanticize the past through our incorrect reminisces of the past.
Moment #2: This afternoon on the car ride home from church, Mary was telling me how several people asked her about Henry's shoes, or lack thereof. She mentioned how they all expect him to wear shoes since he is now walking some. We talked about how the current understanding is that babies learn to walk better if they do not wear shoes in the beginning. We continued to talk about progress and how some people don't realize that there has been any [progress] since, for instance, they raised children.
Moment #3: Later in the car ride [it is 2+ hours] Mary read me an entry from a blog that someone she follows on twitter had re-posted. The post was about a particular church that the author and his two sons were visiting. It was a centennial anniversary Sunday, but the church only seemed to be focusing on where they had been with no obvious look as to where they might be headed.
These three moments built upon each other, one after another, until my head was awash in the past and how we sometimes get stuck there in the moment. The thoughts swirled around a little more and I started thinking about those people who do not realize that progress is happening right around them. They fail to have the peripheral vision to see what is going on right around the corner. After a few seconds my brain then moved to that church who had a past but no semblance of a future. I started to wonder if the problem of the church in today's American context is that we are stuck in the past, not realizing the progress that is happening all around us.
I don't know if you've ever thought about it before, but to a large extent, the American church is decades behind the culture in many aspects. For instance, in another moment in the car ride, my wife and I were talking about certain people's expectations of what a woman should wear when they are preaching to the church. We were talking about national leaders and how they have an antiquated view of women, believing that they should never wear pants when preaching while others are indignant about the casualness of some leaders in the church. Another moment we were discussing the way that even our church conferences tend to be traditional..
[If we are really honest we would understand that the "cutting edge" church is still only bordering on relevant in the society. After all has the church ever touched someone the way that Jay Z, Justin Timberlake, Macklemore, Usher, or even Madonna or U2 has?]
In another moment, my wife and I were discussing the relevance of this past summer's Global Gathering in light of a local Anderson resident who asked Mary "What was up with that gathering thing they had this summer? That was kinda weird, a gathering." And we have been patting ourselves on the back for the great things that happened there.
The things we think are 'right' are antiquated.
The things we think are 'progressive' are still miles behind the current social landscape.
The things we think sound 'cool' are questionable in the the minds of non-church goers.
The words we use make no sense to anyone not indoctrinated in the same dictionary.
Is it any wonder that when most people think about the "Church" they think of hypocritical, gay bashing, hate mongers?
Is it any wonder that people leave the church in droves and come back in a trickle?
Based on the earlier three moments I believe I have three action steps for the church as a whole, steps for us to reenter the conversations that we have been excluded from, steps for us to become relevant again, steps for us to save ourselves, because unbelievers may be 'lost' but the church is 'dying.'
Step One: We need to begin to examine where our nostalgia takes us. We need to look at our past with 20/20 vision not the rose colored glasses that we tend to wear. Except for the first two weeks or so the early church is not something that we should be attempting to be like. If we are honest, it had at least as many issues as we have today. In my particular Christian 'movement' we need to let go of the idea that D.S. Warner, D.Otis Teasley, F.G. Smith and every other initial from our past did not have the ultimate knowledge of anything. They had some brilliant thoughts for their time, but their time is not our time, let us come up with our own brilliant thoughts for this time.
This is not to say that there is nothing we can learn from the past, but we must remember one important thing, it is the past, not the present, and most definitely not the future.
Step Two: We need to begin to examine the successes of our culture and build upon them. Too often within the church we have done the first part, examined the successes of the culture, and then we just mimicked them in our subculture. This lead us to automatically be behind the culture. Instead we need to build upon the successes that we find, becoming more than they are, not just equals. Perhaps we just haven't trusted God to help us go farther, but my Bible has something about us being able to do all things through Christ who strengthens us.
If God is on our side then we can build upon those successes and we will be in front of the culture. We have a message that no non-religious entity has, a message of love, acceptance, grace, forgiveness, hope, strength, and peace.
Step Three: Once we examine honestly where we've been and where we need to go we then need to actually attempt to go there. Examining our past honestly will do no good if we then don't use our knowledge to move forward. Knowing what the successes of the culture are will mean nothing if we do not attempt to expand them. As I already said we as a church have been living in the past, and we have been doing it for too long. We have linked ourselves to ideologies that have been more political than religious. We have linked ourselves to thoughts time and time again that are proven to be unwelcome in the society. How in the name of all that's holy has the culture time and time again been more moral than the church? The church should be leading the fight for the rights of people, not fighting them. The church should be leading on issues of human dignity, homelessness, hunger, war and genocide, nuclear and chemical weapons. The church that was founded on the principles and life of Jesus should be ahead of the culture not lagging behind.
Whether you love or hate what I have just said I hope you leave with at least this thought bouncing around in your head: "Will the church be at all relevant in 50 years?" I believe we can be, not only that, I believe the church can be stronger in 50 years than we are today. It will not be easy. In fact, it will be hard, as hard as taking up our crosses and following Jesus.
It is my prayer that we will have the strength of mind, strength of heart, strength of soul, and strength of faith to do the things we need to do in order to be the church [the hands and feet of Christ] this world needs us to be.
Peace and Love,
Pastor K
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Crossing the Gulf
So, I have recently come to a conclusion, there is a huge dramatic difference between believing in God and trusting God.
I believe in God, and while it has been difficult at times it has been a fairly steady belief. I trust God, or at least I claim to, but it is so much harder than simply believing. Believing only requires us to have a concept of, or a little faith in, or a thought that we can't get rid of. But trust, trust requires a lot more. It makes us move from a place of believing to a place where we know that God is not only out there somewhere but is right next to us.
But, more than that, God must be more than just right there, God must be on our side, God must want what's good for us, and God must be able to help us to acquire that which is good for us.
Let's break that down one by one.
God MUST be right next to us: If God is not by us what is the point in trusting God? If God is far away what would it mean to trust God? God must be close enough to understand our hurt and understand how to help us stop hurting.
God MUST be on our side: If God is not for us, trusting God would be irrelevant. What would I be trusting God to do? Tear me down? Tear me apart? Laugh at my pain?
God MUST want what is good for us: This is a natural extension of the previous comment. We need a God that is on our side, but more than that we need a God who wants what is best for us. We need to believe that even in the pain and trials that God is ultimately wanting us to succeed, to thrive not just survive.
God MUST be able to help us to acquire that which is good for us: If God is a complete bystander than again what am I trusting God for? God must be on my side and want what's best for me and be able to help me to get that.
I believe all of that, but I also believe that we have a ton more freedom in this life than some 'Christians' think we do. I believe in a God that always wants what's best for us but I believe that God allows us to choose which path we will walk, and depending on that path sometimes stuff happens. But, I also believe that even when we take the path that God would rather us not there is once again a path that will lead us to where God would prefer us to be.
Do you know what I mean?
You see, I believe in two absolute truths, there is a God and I'm not him [or her, or a better pronoun that would encompass both sexes that currently doesn't exist]. Everything after that is open for debate. You see, I am a firm believer in the meeting point of faith and logic, so for me everything I hold to has to make sense in my mind. Some of you may have read that sentence and said, "WHAT!?!" To that I say, "Yep", everything I believe about God makes sense to me, hence what doesn't make sense [say a literal 6 day creation] I discard.
That's how my faith works, so it is easy for me to believe that there is a God behind the creation of the world and the complexities of said world. It is easy for me to believe that God is on my side and on your side, because it makes complete sense to me that if God created the world God would want good things for that world. Which makes it easy for me to believe that God wants what is best for me. It is the next step that I find the hardest to take, from a place where God wants whats best to a place where God works in such a way that God will help me to acquire what is best.
It is that place where I have to have a leap of faith, from believing God to trusting God. Trusting that God is moving in this world in a way that will ultimately lead me to a place where I am in the place that is best for me and Mary and Henry.
I still have questions. I still have doubts. But I am daily attempting to cross the gulf.
Peace and Love,
Pastor K
I believe in God, and while it has been difficult at times it has been a fairly steady belief. I trust God, or at least I claim to, but it is so much harder than simply believing. Believing only requires us to have a concept of, or a little faith in, or a thought that we can't get rid of. But trust, trust requires a lot more. It makes us move from a place of believing to a place where we know that God is not only out there somewhere but is right next to us.
But, more than that, God must be more than just right there, God must be on our side, God must want what's good for us, and God must be able to help us to acquire that which is good for us.
Let's break that down one by one.
God MUST be right next to us: If God is not by us what is the point in trusting God? If God is far away what would it mean to trust God? God must be close enough to understand our hurt and understand how to help us stop hurting.
God MUST be on our side: If God is not for us, trusting God would be irrelevant. What would I be trusting God to do? Tear me down? Tear me apart? Laugh at my pain?
God MUST want what is good for us: This is a natural extension of the previous comment. We need a God that is on our side, but more than that we need a God who wants what is best for us. We need to believe that even in the pain and trials that God is ultimately wanting us to succeed, to thrive not just survive.
God MUST be able to help us to acquire that which is good for us: If God is a complete bystander than again what am I trusting God for? God must be on my side and want what's best for me and be able to help me to get that.
I believe all of that, but I also believe that we have a ton more freedom in this life than some 'Christians' think we do. I believe in a God that always wants what's best for us but I believe that God allows us to choose which path we will walk, and depending on that path sometimes stuff happens. But, I also believe that even when we take the path that God would rather us not there is once again a path that will lead us to where God would prefer us to be.
Do you know what I mean?
You see, I believe in two absolute truths, there is a God and I'm not him [or her, or a better pronoun that would encompass both sexes that currently doesn't exist]. Everything after that is open for debate. You see, I am a firm believer in the meeting point of faith and logic, so for me everything I hold to has to make sense in my mind. Some of you may have read that sentence and said, "WHAT!?!" To that I say, "Yep", everything I believe about God makes sense to me, hence what doesn't make sense [say a literal 6 day creation] I discard.
That's how my faith works, so it is easy for me to believe that there is a God behind the creation of the world and the complexities of said world. It is easy for me to believe that God is on my side and on your side, because it makes complete sense to me that if God created the world God would want good things for that world. Which makes it easy for me to believe that God wants what is best for me. It is the next step that I find the hardest to take, from a place where God wants whats best to a place where God works in such a way that God will help me to acquire what is best.
It is that place where I have to have a leap of faith, from believing God to trusting God. Trusting that God is moving in this world in a way that will ultimately lead me to a place where I am in the place that is best for me and Mary and Henry.
I still have questions. I still have doubts. But I am daily attempting to cross the gulf.
Peace and Love,
Pastor K
On the Way to the Way 5: Purchases and Pains
"Don't take much.
Don't worry too much about preparing.
The journey itself will prepare you for whatever you need to be prepared for."
Charles Foster
I've come an important conclusion today, it is a good thing that I am not planning on going on pilgrimage too soon. Why? Because I do not know how to correctly operate a walking stick. Yes, that's right, I said a walking stick.
I had been thinking about buying a walking stick for sometime. On the trails I walk people will occasionally have them. In addition in the movie The Way, which is a large part of the inspiration for this little jaunt several of the characters use them, one person uses two. I briefly thought about buying a two pack, but for my current walks I help Henry keep steady with one hand so I only have one hand free, hence I purchased one walking stick.
I looked at several places and the prices were very similar so I decided I would just pick it up at Wal-Mart. I had looked at their selection a few times and decided that I wanted a metallic green one, they only had one of those but I held out hope that it would be there when I finally decided to pick it up. I went on Monday and lo and behold it was there, except some crazy customer had decided they wanted a closer look, so the packaging was damaged. Not only that, but when I examined it to make sure the previous examiner hadn't messed with it the lower third came off in my hand. So, I bought a blue one instead.
As I said I bought it Monday with the plan to try it out that day, but due to several unforeseen occurrences I did not get to go hiking that day. Then my car decided to go crazy on Tuesday so I didn't get to go then either. Finally Henry and I got to set out today.
I have never owned a walking stick before [although is it rally a walking stick if it it made out of aluminum?] but I have occasionally picked up a stick along my walks in life, and they never seemed all that complicated. To that end I thought I could just pick this one up, make it the right length and go to town [or forest]. I would place the stick a couple feet ahead of me, and pick it back up once I had walked past it. Now, I don't know exactly what I did wrong, but I ended up getting the beginning of a blister on my thumb.
I am guessing that I incorrectly operated the walking stick. Either that or as Mary suggested I need walking stick gloves. I've never thought that I did but, perhaps I have dainty hands?
Are any of you out there walking stick aficionados? If so give me your wisdom, if my thumb begins to get a blister after 2 and a half miles it may just fall off after 500.
Buen Camino,
Pastor K
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
A Quest for Self
So, Is it possible to be honest and vague at the same time? Cause that's what I want to be right now. Well, partly. I would rather be completely honest but for reasons that I can't go into I cannot be honest right now, not completely.
I cannot tell you what's been going through my mind. I cannot tell you how I feel. I cannot go into the things I'd like to go into. I cannot because...
It has been a bad week [and yes, it is only Tuesday...] certain things have happened that have caused me to question other things, including myself. I am told that maybe things will work out for the better long term, but right now I don't give a rip about long-term, what I do find myself caring about is this moment and the next moment. Then, as is the usual case, other things happened as well that has grown my anger my stress my resentment and my worry.
I'm probably not even supposed to say that last sentence, probably not supposed to feel those things, let alone actually speak their names but I want to be honest, even if that honesty has to be vague.
I exist in a place between and that place has been grating on my nerves for quite some time. One step forward, one step back, two steps forward, one step back, one step back, and I am where I began. If you've been there you get it, if you haven't I envy you. Envy, another thing I shouldn't admit to, but I am beginning to get tired of what I am and am not supposed to admit to.
I don't have it all together, and I haven't for quite some time. This should not come as a surprise to anyone who has read this blog extensively, nor should it for those who have read sporadically.
In my last blog I alluded to the fact that I miss who I used to be, more and more I feel the need to find that guy again. Though, I'm not exactly sure where along the way I lost him. This month more than anything else, I am on a quest to rediscover the person I used to be, because I need a little of him to make this package that is me even better.
Peace and Love,
Pastor K
I cannot tell you what's been going through my mind. I cannot tell you how I feel. I cannot go into the things I'd like to go into. I cannot because...
It has been a bad week [and yes, it is only Tuesday...] certain things have happened that have caused me to question other things, including myself. I am told that maybe things will work out for the better long term, but right now I don't give a rip about long-term, what I do find myself caring about is this moment and the next moment. Then, as is the usual case, other things happened as well that has grown my anger my stress my resentment and my worry.
I'm probably not even supposed to say that last sentence, probably not supposed to feel those things, let alone actually speak their names but I want to be honest, even if that honesty has to be vague.
I exist in a place between and that place has been grating on my nerves for quite some time. One step forward, one step back, two steps forward, one step back, one step back, and I am where I began. If you've been there you get it, if you haven't I envy you. Envy, another thing I shouldn't admit to, but I am beginning to get tired of what I am and am not supposed to admit to.
I don't have it all together, and I haven't for quite some time. This should not come as a surprise to anyone who has read this blog extensively, nor should it for those who have read sporadically.
In my last blog I alluded to the fact that I miss who I used to be, more and more I feel the need to find that guy again. Though, I'm not exactly sure where along the way I lost him. This month more than anything else, I am on a quest to rediscover the person I used to be, because I need a little of him to make this package that is me even better.
Peace and Love,
Pastor K
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