I need to write.
But do I have anything left to say?
Kind of a funny dilemma for someone who literally gets paid to talk.
The problem is that I feel more myself when I am writing, and so I sit here and type, hoping that the blank space will slowly be filled with little black letters that bring meaning into existence. And if they can’t bring meaning into existence then at least, perhaps, they can still fill the blank space and make me believe that I can believe again.
Today I find myself in a relatively down space. A friend of mine has fallen, and I do not know how to help them get back up. I am told that maybe they don’t want help, but that doesn’t satisfy my longing, it doesn’t satisfy my heart.
Yes, I am fully aware of who this person is and how they are wired, but I also know the conversations we’ve had and the steps we’ve walked together in such a short amount of time. I have to believe that he can find his way back, so that way I know that people can find their way back. That way in the times when I need to find my way back I have an example of it. He’s done it before, I pray he can do it again.
Until then I sit here and stand here and walk here hoping to do those things with my friend again.
Within the past few months I have discovered the music of NF, a Christian rap artist. His new album, Therapy Session, talks about how the music he makes and the lyrics he writes are at base for him, not for others, that the creative process is a therapy session for him, in order that he may find healing for his pain, or at least a lessening of it. And so, I will continue to write, whether people ever read it or gain knowledge or help or laughter or tears from it. I will continue to write to sort out the thoughts in my own head. I will continue to write for my own therapy.
Peace and Love,
Pastor K
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