#metoo: A Reflection and Response

When the news about Harvey Weinstein broke I was angry, but not surprised. Now after a few days of #metoo I am disturbed, but once again sadly I am not surprised.

Before #metoo showed up I had already heard stories of harassment and abuse from women I have been friends with, been family with, and loved. Before #metoo I had already heard stories of dates that started well and ended in protests of non-consent being disregarded because he knew "they wanted it." I had already heard stories of girls learning how awful men could be long before they should have, and in truth they should have never had to learn those lessons.

Before #metoo I had already heard about experiences involving alcohol or drugs. I had already heard guys I knew who lived by the code that if they are too drunk to say no then everything is allowed. I had already heard words from our current President about how powerful men can have whomever they want whenever they want them. I had already heard that you can just "grab them by the pussy."

In addition I had walked alongside females who hit themselves or cut themselves or believed that there was something wrong with them because they had been treated the way they had. I had sat in boiling anger as they told their stories to groups of friends and strangers. I had already sat in tears about how they had been used, abused and discarded, just another notch on some dirtbags list. Before #metoo I was sadly already aware of how too many of my gender have treated those not of my gender.

Before #metoo I was already aware of the statistics, about how many women had been abused and harassed, but before #metoo those statistics were still just numbers. Maybe they were too large; maybe it seemed that it just couldn't be that many. But there are, and in fact, if anything, the statistics may be too small. There may just be more women than we originally thought who have been abused and harassed, in fact it seems quite possible that every single woman has been. And if that's true, if more have been than we originally believed, if all have been, than it is not the case that there are a few monsters out there, but rather that almost every man has at one point or another been a monster in the eyes of a woman.

Now would be a good time to say "that almost every man has at one point or another been a monster in the eyes of a woman" but me, it would be great if I could say that, but I can't. I myself have been a monster from time to time. I don't believe that I have "forced" a woman to do anything they didn't want to, but I have with my eyes. I never degraded a woman to her face, but I have behind her back. I haven't bragged about my conquests, but I have in my mind. Most would acquit me for this, especially most men, but I am not after acquittal, I am after repentance, I am after redemption. I am seeking a better world for women, and for men. I am seeking a better world for myself, for my wife, and for my son. I am seeking a world where our boys don't grow to become like our men. I am seeking a world where our girls don't grow up with the same experiences as our women.

This world that I seek will not be an easy one to find, it will not appear magically or in the sound of a prayer. This world I seek can only come when women say "#metoo" men in return say "I Believe You and I'm Sorry". Men must say I believe you because these women have been saying what they've had to deal with for years and we have too often turned a blind eye to their words and to their experiences. Men must say I'm sorry not in the way that we say I'm sorry to someone who has been hurt randomly, but rather as if we caused the pain ourselves, because even if we haven't to this individual woman we have to others. So I will begin.

I BELIEVE YOU, no matter how good the guy is in my mind, no matter how many times I have hung out with him, no matter how good he comes across, no matter what power he wields, no matter what song he has sung or what team he plays for or what he does for a living, I BELIEVE YOU.

I'M SORRY that someone like me, someone you knew and trusted, hurt and betrayed you, especially if it wasn't just a guy like me but it was actually me.

I'M SORRY for any time where I have made you feel like they made you feel, by either my words or lack of words, by either my actions or lack of actions, by either my beliefs or lack of beliefs.

I'M SORRY for all the times I didn't believe you, or believed you but stayed friends with the guy, or stopped being friends with the guy but didn't explain why.

I'M SORRY that I have to say I'm sorry, I knew better, my God, my church, my family, my friends, they taught me better and I didn't listen, they told me how to behave and I didn't listen, they told me how to be a good person and I didn't listen.

Peace and Love,
Kenny

Prompting Creation 4: Overcoming the Fear Inside

Have you ever spoken up when you saw something going on that was wrong? Were you scared? What ended up happening?

Yes, yes, depended on the situation.

I like to think that I am a principled person with a deep well of courage. Some days it is easy to think that, and others it is near impossible. Too often I have kept my mouth shut when I should have opened it, sometimes to not anger someone, sometimes to not hurt someone, but usually it is because I choose fear instead of courage. But, there have been times when I have spoken up for what I believe in and against what someone else believes, the following is one example.

The first situation happened 17 years ago, give or take a month or two. I was working at AU for the summer, working with various groups that stayed on the university grounds for their various camps and conferences. I applied for the job merely to keep from going back to West Virginia for the summer, but it turned out that I really enjoyed it and was pretty good at it, both so much so that I cam back for 2 more summers. The summer had been moving along just fine, we had some staff hiccups, but by and large we got along pretty well, but about half way through the summer one of our staff was a bit overwhelmed by all they had to do and they asked for help. This staff member was one who would always step in to help if one of us had a camp and they did not, but during this particular staff meeting when they asked for help I was the only one who volunteered. While I did have a camp on campus at the time it was a pretty easy workload and I had the time to help, but so did several other of my coworkers. For whatever reasons, some known and some unknown to me, my coworkers were unwilling to help. I sat quite for awhile, getting angry and my heart started beating really fast, while this was happening my coworker started to cry and got up and left. Once she was out of the room I kind of exploded at everyone else. Talking about who helpful the coworker had been to each one of them, and talking about their selfishness in not helping in return. At that point I had to leave the meeting in order to help my camp director with something. Later on I went back to the office to talk to my superior and to apologize for my explosion. She ended up thanking me for doing it. She told me that after I left they all signed up to help with the various things that my coworker needed. She went on to tell me that if it had come from her they might not have reacted the way they did, but since it was me, someone who was usually quiet and reserved, it made more of an impact.

Peace and Love,
Pastor K