On the Way to the Way 6: A Long Time Coming, A Long Time To Go

It has been almost 8 months since my last blog post about my Pre-Camino Journey. That is just about too long, so we begin again with a quote from the foreword to The Sacred Journey by Charles Foster, written by Phyllis Tickle.

Regardless, however, of the frequency of its occurrence, pilgrimage is the one of the ancient seven that most threatens what is familiar and what has been...threatens them both with the almost absolute certainty that nothing will ever be the same again. The old verities will either die on pilgrimage or else they will rejuvenate and morph into sinewy understandings and holy affections that change every part of the life being lived. Either way, with pilgrimage,nothing is ever as it once was. Beware.

It dawns on me that this blog may have best been served if I, like the book, had started here. I say this because at base what I want from my someday journey is a reboot. It's why I would take the journey tomorrow if I could. It's why I hope to one day take a 500 mile walk, to redefine my life in light of His. I have been in the process of doing that for sometime now, with fits and starts, missteps and mistakes. But part of me feels that in order to cross over from the side I am on to the side I want to one day be on I need something drastic to take me away from all that I know in order to find all that I need.

This is not a critique on my life today, I love my wife and son. I enjoy my ministry and the people to whom that ministry touches, whether they be sitting in a pew or sitting at a desk or holding up a phone, because I view my ministry as behind the pulpit, but also right here and now as I type these words. My blog readership more than doubles the size of my church and my reach, and I am most grateful for it.

Where the problem does lie is within my heart/mind/soul, a place of great light and great darkness. And it is that which needs realigned, re-calibrated, so that the good that I do would grow stronger and that the evil I do would grow weaker. And let us be honest, we are all capable of evil and all culpable for the evil we do. There is no devil that makes you do it, you do it of your own volition, if it were not that way you would never fear judgment, because it wouldn't be your fault.

I am to blame for every action and inaction. For every word spoken and unspoken. For every look and look away. For every offering and withholding. For every praise and curse. For EVERY THING. I take the credit and I need to take the blame, but I foresee somewhere in the distance a place for a change, a time for a world rocking, and a long walk that will cause me to let go of things I hold onto and hold onto things I haven't even realized I go without.

Buen Camino,

Pastor K

Lent ???? Blog 40: Hallelujah!!!!! Where Beauty Breaks Through

Here we are the end, which is also a beginning, as all good ends are. This marks the last blog in my Lenten series, sorry for the ridiculous delay, life kind of got in the way and inspiration kinda blew out the window at some point during Lent. This also marks my first blog in my new weekly schedule, to that end there should be a new blog almost every Tuesday night/Wednesday morning depending on when it is actually written.

The previous picture is my first example of what I would like to talk about at the moment. Henry and I spent quite a few days at Mounds Park last summer, and over the past week we have been there three times. It would have been four, but Henry fell asleep in the van on the drive over one time so I just turned around and went back home so he could have a nice nap. The other day I noticed a recurring theme on our hike, very often there would be large areas of green that had a burst of color somewhere in the middle because of a random flowering plant. At first I thought it was just a nice little quirk, but then I began to think about it a bit more deeply. To understand where I finally ended up you need to understand something else first.

You see, the one place that I can always encounter God is not in a church or a particular place or time, but rather it is when I am in the midst of nature. I am a firm believer in the beauty of nature, the wonder of nature, and the divine aspects of nature. I have sat in a field and stared at the tops of trees swaying in the breeze and thought about how they were dancing in the Almighty's wind. I have been lost in the spirit, lost in my mind, lost in my soul and have been found again by walking through that which was good from the beginning.

Because of this, I ended up in a rather obvious place, that the randomness of the flowering plants were not random at all, but were rather an intricate design of beauty in the midst of an often harsh reality. So often we end up in a place where every voice is the same, every viewpoint is the same, every harsh sound is the same, and on occasions that are too rare there is a new voice, a new viewpoint, a new, softer sound of beauty. In the midst of green there is a splash of purple, or yellow, or white. In the midst of a life of grasses there are rare beautiful flowers. Sometimes we see them, and at other times we are them.

There is a book by Rob Bell, Drops Like Stars, it is about suffering and beauty. I highly recommend it to people who are walking through harsh places. I have a friend who not too long ago was in one of those places, and let her borrow the book. Part of the reason I let her borrow it was because she was coming from a place where people kept telling her that what had happened to her was part of some larger grand design of God's, as if her pain and struggle and broken heart was the only way that God could move forward.

I know some of you may flow from this very same thought process, and for you I literally weep. The creator of the universe doesn't need our pain in order to move the world forward. My friend didn't need to experience her valley of death in order for God to accomplish anything. But in her pain and suffering, there is still beauty to be found, beauty to be reclaimed, and that is the business that God is in. God doesn't cause the disasters, he helps us rebuild following them. God doesn't need the pain, but he works through it because that is where he, too often, finds his children.

The beauty of the flowering plants is not that they are alone in the midst of a wilderness, but rather that they are what makes the wilderness conquerable. My friend is in a better place now than she was, but I believe with all my heart that she will continue to move forward into a place of greater beauty. Partly this will be because of her decisions, because of her actions, and partly it will because of God's love for her and God's tenacity in the midst of our despair.

I have seen more people who have been abandoned in the midst of pain with words that falsely echo in their heads about a God who put them through a pile of dung, just to bring them out on the other side. And I wonder why people tell them such things? Is it because it has given them hope? David, in one of the most popular Bible passages talks about the truth that even when he was in the shadow of death he was not abandoned. There is no mention of God leading him into the valley, just the knowledge that he is not alone there. That is truth we can cling to.

That is hope, that is peace, that is strength, knowing we are never alone, even in the dark and twisted paths that we often find ourselves in.

You may indeed find yourself in one of those places right now. If you are there I want to reiterate two things. 1) God did not lead you there. 2) God has never and will never leave you there or anywhere else. That won't dispel the darkness and won't necessarily put you on the path out, but I hope it gives you comfort.

I walk the path, sometimes it is difficult. I understand why the military trains their people to run with heavy packs, walking the rather pedestrian trails of Mounds State Park with a five pound backpack with a 25 pound child inside of it is a workout. I hiked 5 miles on Monday alone, and 2.5 today with Henry. Yesterday I was energized, today I was beat. But today I was never alone, and that changes the experience. It didn't make the burden on my back lighter, but it did make the burden on my soul lighter.

My hope is that at the end of the summer, I will be a little bit trimmer and a little bit healthier. And my hope is that at the end of the trail I will continue to see beauty pop up in strange places. That new life will spring from the darkness. That my friend will continue to see her smile more and her tears less. That you may find your way out of the shadow to the soft grass and cool waters. That we might all remember from time to time that no matter what turns this life takes that we are never really alone. And that, as J.R.R. Tolkien once wrote, "not all those who wander are lost."

Peace and Love,
Pastor K

Lent ??????? Blog 39: organization, schedules, and the freedom to create

I have spent the last few weeks reorganizing and just generally remaking my home office. Yes, it has taken weeks, partly because its difficult to do it with an 18 month old under foot, and partly due to laziness, OK so mostly due to laziness. But I have done it, and for the time being it is done, I think. You see it all started awhile ago when an ex-girlfriend posted a desk that she had for sale. This caused a fire in my belly to get a new desk, at first hers, but then later any fancy desk at all.

I purchased my current desk when I started seminary about 12 years ago, I thought it was really cool at the time. it had no drawers or doors and just looked very streamlined. Nowadays I think of it is poorly configured. No doors and drawers means no where to keep things theoretically safe from the wandering hands of a toddler. Now, before you mention it, yes I realize that even if there are doors or drawers it does not keep it safe from a toddler. The point is that I have been lusting after desks for a little over a month now.

I did not buy a desk, I still hope to someday when we can afford a desk worthy of me, and have the space for it in my office, but for now I have decided to quell the raging dragon of desk lust inside me and adapt my desk in a small way. I purchased a two shelf organizer from Target, on clearance for $7 and have placed it on the upper shelf of my desk, giving me a place where Henry can't reach, at least until he grows a few more inches and pulls the whole thing down on his head.

I also purchased a new 2x3 whiteboard and expunged some items from my office for a better overall vibe. I moved some wall hangings, took some down, rearranged most of the office and brought some stuff to Goodwill, Half Price Books, and my sister-in-laws yard sale.

Now, what does this have to do with you, my semi-constant readers? Well I have organized for a purpose, that I may have a clean space to think and write, to create. To that end I have set up a schedule in order to write blogs more regularly. Starting with this blog, you should expect a new blog on here as well as on http://onthewaytotheway.blogspot.com . In addition, I am beginning working on something that I will unveil shortly, I want to get a certain degree into it before I unleash it on the world.

With the new schedule Lent [Really?!?!?!?] Blog 40 should appear tomorrow and my new On the Way blog should show up on Thursday. Now, of course when I say tomorrow and Thursday I mean late tomorrow and Thursday, so it might be best to look for the link, or come check it yourself, Wednesday and Friday morning.

Here's to an exciting, and hopeful on time, adventure.

Peace and Love,
Pastor K

Lent??? Blog 38 Fruit of the Spirit

A long, long time ago in a church not too far away I was one of several authors of a devotional booklet inspired by the Fruit of the Spirit found in Galatians 5, which the pastoral staff (including me) were preaching on. I currently find myself preaching out of the Book of Galatians yet again so I was looking back at those devotionals. For your viewing pleasure, and because I will get to blog 40, here they are.

Joy

I like being happy, it is a good feeling. You just kind of feel better about things, no matter what has been happening a little piece of happiness makes it all better. Joy is not exactly that. Being happy has to deal with our circumstances, with our situation, joy on the other hand does not. For example I am happy when life is going good, I am sad when my life is not. But, if I have joy, then no matter what is going on I have peace in my life. For lack of a better word I am happy that I have life, no matter whether it is going great or not so great. It is this way that we can continually have joy and be rejoicing even in the midst of pain or sorrow.
 
A long time ago, in the Church of God we had the belief that if you had faith in God you would be physically healed. Period. But then something happened, Charles Naylor a strong leader in the church suffered an unfortunate accident and was not healed. Throughout the ordeal some people said that he must not have faith, or else he would be healed, others, who knew the man that he was, said that the church's understanding must be off. Through it all Naylor showed faithfulness and joy. He was able to persevere no matter the volume of dissent nor the continued pain. May you be able to find that same joy in life's difficulties.

Peace

Stop the War!  Stop the War!  For God's sake stop the war!

What do those words bring to mind? What is your first reaction? Do you agree? Disagree? Do you even know what I am talking about? I would hazard a guess that you do not, because I am not talking about a war that is fought with guns and bombs. I am talking about the millions of wars that exist in our homes, between husbands and wives, between parents and children, between ourselves and our imperfections or failings. Every time we bring someone down, including ourselves we are going against God's plan for our relationships. As people who are created in God's image we are to embrace and accept people, including ourselves. Peace is more than a cessation of hostilities between countries or people, it is a state of being in harmony even when the things around you are not.

“I have observed that whenever you try to hit somebody, there is a tendency for them to try to hit you back.”  -- Charles Schulz by way of Charlie Brown

This is why Jesus commands the responses to hostility in Matthew 5. He knows the best way to diffuse a situation is to act contrary to how people expect. If you repay violence for violence, whether it be physical, emotional, sexual, spiritual, you are going to perpetuate the cycle, after all if you repay violence with violence that person will repay your violence with new violence and so on and so forth. But, if you are willing to turn the other cheek, to pray for them, to give them your shirt and coat, you will have broken the cycle and created peace in the midst of war.

Patience

When was the last time that someone did not give you the any leeway, any benefit of the doubt, in a situation? When was the last time that someone expected you to change before you did, when they expected you to grow before you had the time? Do you remember how that felt? How much it hurt? Were the expectations too much too soon?


I think that one of the biggest problems that we as Christians have is our lack of understanding and grace in conjunction with someone's Christian growth process. We often do not allow people to progress at their own speed, we expect them to perhaps magically transform from a person of the world to a instant copy of Jesus at the moment of conversion. The simple fact, is that people need to continue to grow after that point in time, not just before it. We do not become carbon copies of Jesus in an instant, we change in many ways both large and small over the course of our Christian lives, and we have to allow others the ability to do the same. I think that a big part of our problem is that we tend to pigeonhole the term patience into only meaning waiting for something, like the light to change green or our food to arrive at a restaurant, or perhaps for a sermon to end. But it also has to deal with how we deal with people changing and growing around us. May we continually seek God's grace and continually seek to share that same grace with others.

Kindness

1)
In The Message paraphrase Eugene Peterson translates the word kindness as “a sense of compassion in the heart,” I like that, it seems to convey more than the one word 'kindness.' When I think of kindness I think of taking in a stray dog or picking up a ball kicked out into the street and throwing it back to the kids playing in the yard. At most I think about not being mean to the kid everyone laughs at.  But if I think about “a sense of compassion in the heart” I start thinking about empathy and being willing to feel what others feel, instead of being disconnected from the people and situations in our lives. If one sits back and looks at the list of fruit that Paul mentions, not one of them is about the self, they are all about living life in conjunction with others, they bring about a sense of connection that is all too often lost in this world that we live in. So often we move so fast and so much that we barely slow down, let alone take time to look around or to interact with people anymore than we absolutely must in order to accomplish our selected tasks. If we but have “a sense of compassion in our heart” I imagine that the world could look quite a bit different, at least through the lens of our own eyes.

2)

Luke 10:30-37 – The Good Samaritan

I remember a couple years back the idea of 'random acts of kindness' was really in vogue, it was the cool thing to do, you would go around and find something nice to do for someone and you would do it. Most of the time this would be done anonymously, just a nice little gesture for the good of someone else, but also to make yourself feel a little better as well. To some extent its too bad that its cool factor passed, for awhile people actually treated other people well.

When I think about Jesus' parable of the Good Samaritan, I often wonder who I would be in the story. Would I be willing to step out of my daily routine to lend a hand to someone in need? Or would I just pass right on by, not caring about the man in the ditch, as long as my life was all right? I like to think that I would stop, that I would see the burning bush and decide to take a little detour, but too often I cross to the other side of the street when it comes to the homeless, and I tend to look the other way when I am stopped at a light with a person holding a sign saying “Need help, food.” What if that was me standing on the corner, or me holding a sign, what if it was Jesus? What do you think he would say to all of us who continually just go on our way? I hope he would continue to say, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” Luke 23:34.

Goodness

“Let us make (human beings) in our image, according to our likeness”
Genesis 1:26a NKJV

I have to mention what Eugene Peterson uses in The Message again, here instead of the word goodness he says “a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people.” I know that this is a difficult thing for a lot of people to believe, in fact I know a lot of people that believe the exact opposite, that all people are at base evil. While I am not about to say that people are all good all the time, I do believe that the image of God is still visible in people, and by that I mean that we are still 'good'. We may have dashed the fullness of possibility in that concept, but it has not been fully hidden by our sin. It is a testament to the true power of God that his work can overcome the power of sin, even without any help from us. The image of God is still able to be found within people, sometimes you just have to squint a little more. It is easier for me to see the holiness in the wider scope of creation, than it is, sometimes, to see it in human beings, but it is still there. It's why forgiveness is possible, why love is possible, why we can say no to hate, and why we are able to accomplish great things, even in our weakness, because God made us, and made us well.

Faithfulness

Dan Clark, in his book Puppies for Sale relays two short stories. In the first one a young boy enters a pet store looking to buy a puppy, in the end he decides on a puppy who is forced to limp because of an injured leg. The store owner tries to talk the boy out of it, saying wouldn't he rather have a healthy puppy. The boy lifts the leg of his pants to reveal a brace and says, “The puppy will need someone who is able to understand.” The second story takes place several years later, and the boy, now a teen, and his puppy, now a dog, are taking a walk. The dog runs along at a normal pace, while the boy still walks slowly. Suddenly the dog leaps out into the road to chase a cat and is hit by a car. The boy races into the street, picks his dog up and runs home, in the process breaking the brace on his leg. When he reaches home he gets his mother and they rush to the animal hospital, there they find out that the dog, while injured will recover. While they are waiting the boy asks his mother how he was able to run home. The mother says that his injury would heal if he would only get out and exercise it. They had been told that the dog suffered from weak hip tendons, but if he was walked daily he would grow into a healthy animal. The boy, striving to help his dog ended up helping himself as well.  That is how it is when we are faithful to God and faithful to our friends and family. By helping others grow we are in turn growing alongside.

Gentleness

“for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matt. 11:29b

In order for us to become gentle I think we probably have to know what it means to be anti-gentle. If a person is not gentle I think we see them as being a harsh person, that they generally deal with people abrasively. This is not to say that people should never be abrasive or harsh, like Jesus in the temple there is a correct time and place for angry feelings to be let loose, but at the same time it means that we deal with people, by and large, with a 'soft touch.' Yet it seems that in today's world gentleness is not something that is highly sought after, after all how much gentleness are we actually confronted with? In addition perhaps the better question that we should be asking is how much gentleness does the world see from us? Are we a people who are gentle, or are we a people who are quick to confront anything that we disagree with? Some of the most confrontational people I know are Christians who believe the only way to introduce someone to Jesus is to make them feel as bad as possible, to make them fearful or weak. May we seek to be a people who are gentle and willing to carry other's loads, not make them feel that their load should be even heavier.

Self Control

1)
“I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrew 13:5b NKJV

I have a problem. Depending on how you want to look at it, it may or may not be a big problem, but I consider it a problem none-the-less. You see, I love music and movies and video games. When I should spending my time reading or learning or working out or anything else I spend hours just vegging in front of the TV or stereo. When I should be spending my money more wisely, by saving it or giving it to those who need it more than myself, or to some organization that is fighting to end the things in this world that I believe should be ended, I instead spend it on acquiring more CDs, DVDs, and games. I also buy a lot of books, so many that I hardly get a chance to read the ones I buy. I suppose what it all comes down to is a desire to be entertained, to take whatever amount of time I can in order to escape my life, to escape my pain, or the world's. I can put on a CD and zone out, I can put in a movie and pretend that it portrays reality, or that reality could at least be like the movie, I sit down in front of the TV with the controller in my hand and suddenly I am in control, of a character, a team, a whole world and it feels so good. But then I once again think about the things that I should be doing with my life and I realize that it is all a matter of self-control, or lack there of. We all have vices in our lives, things that we use to walk away from the circumstances of our lives, but if we are willing God will help us to do the things that matter and walk away from those things that do not.

2)

Sometimes I think that the difficulty in having self-control is a lack of big picture thinking. So often we reach for the easy enjoyment, the quick fix. We live in a world that is so often about instant gratification (drugs, alcohol, sex, entertainment, etc.), and this desire causes us to constantly look at the here and now. While it is important to not dwell on the future too much, after all Jesus does say (Matt. 6:34) something about tomorrow having enough worry for itself, so that we should only worry about today, at the same time though we can not only live for today. I greatly enjoy the musical Rent, I resonate with its call to love others above everything else, and about the strong need for connections within 'an isolating age,' but its rallying cry of 'No Day But Today' has the possibility of over-riding any long range vision. Without some idea of what we want to accomplish tomorrow, how do we strive to lay aside the momentary pleasure for the long-term positives. You might be thinking that this not only would mean having self-control over our desires but also requiring a great deal of patience, and you would be right. The fruit of the spirit are intertwined, each requiring the others in order to be truly successful. The same can be said for the Church which is the Body of Christ, without each other we can never be what God wants us to be. May we let the fruit invade us and intertwine us together.

Peace and Love,
Pastor K

Lent ??? Blog 37: Jesus Part 2

Gives worth to the worthless: women, children, sick

Jesus is the kind of guy that believes in the worth of every person, sadly much more than most of his current followers. Jesus stood up for women, who were not quite considered equal back then. [unlike today when they make the same amount as men...wait a minute] When little children flocked to Jesus his disciples attempted to send them away, but Jesus said to let them come. More so, Jesus said that if we wanted to enter into the kingdom of heaven we needed to look through the eyes of a child, have the heart of a child, the faith of a child. Jesus also reached out and touched those who were in pain and diseased. People who had to walk down the street proclaiming, "Unclean, Unclean,' Jesus embraced and healed.

A woman dead to rights is set free; A man is lowered through a roof and healed; Lazarus is raised from the dead

Let's get deeper for a moment. Jesus came across a woman who had been caught in adultery, and true to the Mosaic law she was to be stoned for her offense. [notice that the woman is about to be stoned: where is the man who she was with?] Jesus comes and starts writing in the dirt and tells the group of men [?] that the person who is without sin may cast the first stone. They walk away, and Jesus tells the woman to go as well.

Then there is a story about a man who was so sick that he could not move, but his friends cared about him, and so they cut a whole in the roof of the building where Jesus was and lowered their friend down to him. Now, I don't know about you, but if a piece of the ceiling was cut away and a bod was lowered down to me, I may just run away. Jesus on the other hand heals this man.

Jesus also sheds tears for a man he is about to raise from the dead. Not because of his pain, but because he saw the pain that others had felt, pain that had he been there he could have kept from them. Jesus is the type of person who wants to eradicate all unnecessary pain.

Jesus speaks about loving your friend and your neighbor and your enemy; Jesus speaks about faith in God being attached to how we treat others; Jesus talks about loving God and self and neighbor, and people want to kill him for it

Jesus speaks about love of friend and neighbor, and then he speaks about loving his enemy as well. He tells us that if we love only those who love us we are doing nothing more than any other person, but we are called to more, we are called to love all, and not the easy kind of love, but the love that is willing to lay down our lives for another.

Jesus commands us to love everyone but then decides to take it a step further, to equate how we feel/treat/love/forgive others is wrapped up in how we are treated/loved/forgiven by God. Wait! What? I am only forgiven by God if I am willing to forgive others? I am loved by God when I choose to love others? What kind of crazy notion is that? A Divine One.

It's not really a wonder that people wanted to kill this man who spoke of love. Because the kind of love Jesus spoke of was a revolutionary one. This is not an eye for and eye kind of guy, this is a go ahead and give them both eyes if that is what it takes to love them. This is a not power in the traditional sense, and it is not love in the traditional sense.

Jesus dines with sinners who know they aren’t worthy as opposed to the religious elite who ‘had it all together’

The important part of the above statement is 'know they aren't'. In Jesus day, as opposed to the current day [haha], the religious elite thought they had it all together and portrayed their perfection at every turn. They spoke long flowery prayers so that people would know how spiritual they were. They contorted their faces when fasting so that people would know how pious they were. They had very clean cups, on the outside, but internally they were a mess, but an unacknowledged mess.

The 'sinners' that Jesus hung out with, the ones he ate and drank with, the ones he had sleepovers with were not perfect, and were under no illusion that they were. The made poor decisions, spoke incorrectly, and didn't have the scriptures memorized. Their prayers were short, if they uttered them at all. They didn't fast, because they didn't see the point. And they cups were dirty inside and out, and they knew it.

Jesus isn't looking for perfect people, who want you to think they have it all together, he is looking for the messy people who will admit their mess.

The story of Easter is one about the oppressed, the prisoners, the blind, and the year of the Lord's favor.

It is a story of freedom and opportunity. It is a story of forgiveness and a new day. It is a story that continues in our hearts and minds if we want it to. We have been prisoners of our sins and our mistakes and our regrets and our anger and our hatred and our memories and our... And we no longer have to be. We have been oppressed by friends and coworkers and family members and bullies and the systems and the... And we no longer have to be. We have been blind to the possibilities and the freedom and the grace and the forgiveness and the... And we no longer have to be. Because it is the year of the Lord's favor. We live in a continual Jubilee, a continual time of life and newness. All we have to do is open our ears to what God is saying, open our eyes to see how God is moving, and open our hearts to know what God wants of us.

Peace and Love,
Pastor K