Dear Mr. Lowry (an Advent Devotional)

Mary did you know...?

"Yes, and I know a lot more about all of it than you do Mr. Lowry and everyone else to ever cover this beautiful, yet Biblically unsound question. Let me tell you what I knew.

I know that an angel appeared to me and called me favored, but not only favored in some general way, favored by the most high God, the I Am, the I will be, the one who created and sustained and delivered and made free.

I know the angel told me to not be afraid, even though I had every reason to be. I was more child than woman at that point. And while I was to be joined with Joseph I had not yet been, and this angel told me that I would be a mother.

I may not know much but I know that virgins do not give birth, but this one did.

I know that the angel told me that the Holy Spirit of the Most High would come upon me and plant within me life. I know that the life within me, a son, would not just be my child, but would be the very Son of God. That he would be a king with a kingdom that would not end.

I know that from that point on people would call me, a scared virgin girl, blessed.

I know that by the life within me God would show mercy to all generations. By the life within me God would scatter the proud and powerful. By the life within me God would bring down rulers from their thrones but would also uplift the humble. By the life within me God would fill the hungry with good things but take away the things that "the rich" had. By the life within me things would get turned upside down and that the way of the Lord would walk upon the world.

I know that angels appeared to shepherds who arrived at the baby's bedside to worship him. I know they left that place and told more and more. 

I know that when we brought Jesus to the temple an old man called him God's salvation and told me that he would cause the rising and falling of many, and that he would cause a sword to pierce my side, if it were only my side that had been pierced. I also know that Anna, a prophetess, said that my child would bring about the redemption of Israel.

So yes, I knew that the sleeping child that I held was the great I AM. I knew that he would deliver me, but had I known how that deliverance would have happened I would have spirited him away to Egypt and never returned. The better question Mr. Lowry is, do you know what it cost me to give my son to deliver you?"

Adapted from Luke 1:26-2:40

Peace and Love,

Pastor K

Another Advent Devotional

 Close your eyes

Wait…

Not yet…

Open them back up. Gosh, you’re so impatient. Wait to close your eyes until after I tell you what you are supposed to imagine when they are closed. 

Now, when they are closed I want you to imagine darkness, shouldn’t be too difficult, but then I want you to imagine a time when you were surrounded by darkness and then there was a light. Perhaps it is at a Christmas Eve service at church where they turned off the lights and then one candle was lit, and then another, and another, until the whole room was full of light. Perhaps you were taking a walk in the woods and time got away from you and you were headed back to your car and the sun went down so you took small step after small step hoping not to trip on a random root or stone until the light of the parking lot finally illumined your way. Perhaps you woke up from a nightmare scared out of your wits but then your eyes adjusted and you could see the LED of the clock telling you it is 3:13 and you still have a couple more hours to sleep.

What did you see? Did you see it only? Did you also feel it? Did you feel the darkness like a weighted blanket holding you to the spot, feeling it slow you down, feeling it as if it was a tangible force weighed against you? Interestingly I can not imagine things in my mind’s eye, but I can very much remember the feeling of each of those examples and remember the strength of the dark.

But, I also remember the strength of the light. The amount of warmth from that first candle, and then the growing warmth of the other candles, joining together to brighten a room. I remember the safety of the parking lot fluorescent allowing me, and my girlfriend at the time, to see slightly better with each step. I remember the comfort of the mundane seeing the clock. I also remember the feeling of power in the creation of my eye able to take the ambient light surrounding me to make the darkness not as imposing in each and every circumstance.

In Isaiah 2:9 the prophet says,  “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.”

In John 1:4 & 5 the gospel writer says “In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

You see there is darkness, all around, all the time. There is the darkness of hate. There is the darkness of prejudice. There is the darkness of abuse. There is the darkness of neglect. There is the darkness of lies. There is the darkness of overindulgence. There is the darkness of exploitation. There is the darkness of misleading. There is darkness all around, and yet, there is light also. Light that is hope. Light that is life. Light that is love. And as sure as Jesus pierced the darkness with his life we in turn continue to pierce the darkness each moment we live as though he lives in us. That is the true beauty of Advent, a light enters into the darkness. God dwells among. Love invades. Life blossoms. Hope prevails.

A light enters into the darkness.

God dwells among.

Love invades.

Life blossoms.

Hope Prevails.

The darkness is there, but the light comes and makes the darkness easier to navigate. There will still be dark corners, still be places where understanding is difficult to find, where peace is a wispy mistress, where we must tread carefully so as not to trip or to get lost. But even though there is darkness, there will always be a light for those who seek it out and know how to follow its beam.

Darkness and Light. Possibly the whole point of the Bible can be condensed down into those two words. It is the story of creation. It is the story of the flood.  It is the story of Exodus. It is the story of David. It is the story of exile. It is the story of Advent and Christmas. It is the story of Lent and Easter. It is the story of Revelation’s destruction and a world made new. And we will return to this concept again.

Peace and Love,

Kenny

A 2 Advent Devotional

 In Luke 14 Jesus tells a parable of a great banquet. In the story a man was preparing for the great feast and had invited many people, when the feast was ready he sent his servant out to tell the guests that it was time. But when the servant started delivering the news the guests started delivering excuses. One said that they had just made a large purchase of land and needed to inspect it. Another had purchased some oxen and needed to make sure they were of good stock. A third had just gotten married, and, well, they were about to be busy, wink, wink.

The servant came back to his master and delivered the news that all who had previously been invited had decided that there were more important things that deserved their attention. The servant's master became angry and told his servant to then go out into the streets, into the dark corners, into the forgotten places and once there he should invite all that he would find. If there were poor who needed fed, they should come. If their were those with physical limitations, the blind, the lame, the handicapped, they should be invited. The servant went and did as he was told.

When the servant came back this time he told his master that it had been done, and they had arrived, but that there was still room. So the master told his servant to keep going, to all the roads and the country side and to invite all that he came across, friend and stranger alike. And then, finally the master said that those who were first invited would not get one morsel from his table.

In all my years this parable has always been a warning about being ready for when Jesus returns, someday, at sometime, in the future, that we do not know. And while I think this is still true, this morning I had a new thought. Mary was preaching about Advent, the time of waiting for Messiah's entrance and she talked about how the words translated Wonderful Counselor in Isiah 9:6 is, in the TANAK (Hebrew translation of the first testament), translated instead of God who is planning grace. With that she started talking about the second Advent, the one in which we currently find ourselves, the Advent of Christ's returning.

Sitting there the parable I shared above popped into my head and I started thinking about how if A=B then B=A. And if the promise of the first Advent is true for the second Advent then the warning of the second Advent was true about the first Advent. With that thought I started thinking anew about the parable, and about 2020 and about 1918 and about how during the flu epidemic then things shut down and during the COVID epidemic now things shut down and how history is always repeating itself in some way, because humanity is always repeating itself in some way, because what was true about us 100 years ago is still true about us now, because what is true about us now will be true about us in the future. And if that is the case then what is true about us in the time of Jesus's return was true about us at Jesus's birth. A=B then B=A, and it does.

Isaiah lays out his prophesy, lays out the promise, 100s of years before the manger. We know this because we can read it today, but we also know that they knew this at the time because of the wisemen's story to Herrod [Matthew 2], "doesn't it foretell" they say. The knowledge was available, the truth was out there. But who shows up at Jesus's bedside? Is it the wisened? Is it the learned? Is it the wealthy? Is it the powerful? Is it anybody in the know? No, it is not. 

The ones that show up are shepherds, because angels appeared to them in country lanes. The shepherds show up because they are the only ones not too busy paying attention to other things to notice the miraculous. And in noticing the miraculous they reorient their plans to make a journey.

The story goes that the wisemen, whom we traditionally call kings were mostly like stargazers, which makes perfect sense. Only someone staring at the stars all the time would notice something that wasn't there before. And when they notice it they try to figure out why its there, and in figuring out the reason they are so compelled that they set everything else aside and make the journey. 

In each case it was the ones who were not too busy, the ones without more important things to do, or people to see. Which makes me think back to that parable and about how Jesus can tell a story about how we will be in the future because he already knows how we have been in the past. Jesus came and those that should have rejoiced ignored. Of course that is what is going to happen upon his returning. The question we are left with, the question Jesus always leaves us with is will we be ready? will we be willing? what will we allow to hold us back? what will propel us forward? in the end, who will show up for the grand banquet, and who will go hungry?

peace and love,
Kenny

A Fuller Vision

I would like to start this off by saying a few days ago I had, for lack of a better term, a vision while driving to work. I would like to say it’s been a few days but that is not the truth. The truth is that it’s been weeks, over a month, maybe over 2, I’m not exactly sure. But it hasn’t been days, it should have been, but it hasn’t. I say it should have been because this thing inside me, while not new to me, is perhaps the most important realization I have ever come to in my life.

As I say, it is not new to me, it is not new to this decade nor this century nor this millennium, people have realized this truth since before my time and your time, before my father's time and his father's and his mother's and her mother's, for thousands of years this truth has existed, it just took me 41+ years to realize it.

So, now that I have hyped what I am about to say to such a ridiculous degree, let us begin again.

A month or so ago I was driving to work and I had, for lack of a better word, a vision. In my former life I was a pastor, while I am still ordained I do not hold the official title of pastor, and in truth I don’t know if I ever will again or if I even ever want to. But in my vision I was speaking in front of a large audience telling them about my new (very old) understanding. Which I will sum up in one sentence and then spend an unknown (to me at the moment) amount of space to unpack.

Our lives are meant to be understood as one collective story, instead of as just our own individual story.

You see....
Every moment....
Every breath....
Every heartbeat....
Isn’t just yours or mine, they are ours.
When your heart beats my life is changed. When I draw breath your life is changed. By each decision by each one of us the world is changed. Like a pebble hitting the water and the ripples expanding as they flow outward.... So it is with everything.

The great teachers have all known this, from Buddha to Moses to Jesus to Mohammed, each one attempts to place us all in something greater than ourselves. This story that is beyond just us, it is a place where the kingdom of God is, where we are God’s chosen, where we find enlightenment, where we find submission, where we find fulfillment, where we find a life that is full. When we focus on ourselves we are always lesser for it, we may find peace or hope or joy or love in the moment, but they are always snatched away, but when we find ourselves in a story that is not just about ourselves we are enlarged, we become more than we ever dreamed, than we ever hoped for, than we ever even thought we could hope or dream for.

When we enter into US we slip off the failures that we have been. We slip off the lack that we believe we are. We slip off the shackles of pain and discouragement and cruelty and everything else that has held you and me down. We slip them off because we no longer have to rely on our own personal power, we are tethered to something beyond ourselves, we are tethered to each other, we find the power in community.

This is not community that you find at the gym or at the party or even at church, this is a community that transcends. It transcends time. It transcends situation. It transcends the barriers that we assume are there. It transcends our fears. It transcends our possibilities. It transcends our pasts. It even transcends our futures, because by being together we can usher in those times that have been spoken about for eons. Those times when lions lay down with lambs. Those times when no one goes hungry. Those times when we all have enough because we finally understand that it is not just about the individual but it is about the collective.

The interesting thing about being part of a collective story is that it actually makes the individual even more important. Because each of us are needed for the story to be all that it can be. Each birth, each confession of love, each new day affects the arc of the universe. Your choices greatly impact the story of not just others, but of us all. you quite literally CHANGE THE WORLD every single moment. Each choice cascades around the globe in minute and grandiose ways. Your absence would greatly affect the story's arc and without you none of us could reach the intended end of the story. Each death, each suicide adversely affects the whole of creation, it is never just your bubble that feels the effects, but, again, like the pebble the ripples reverberate beyond what you are capable of understanding.

Some years back I sat through a sermon where the preacher told us that when the Bible speaks about you it is not the individual you but rather the Southern U.S. ya’ll. It is the idea that this journey was never meant to be a solo pilgrimage but rather an ocean of souls moving in one direction, towards a brighter tomorrow and a brighter today and a brighter right now. A place where heaven meets the now, where the indwelling surrounds each and every one of us.

This is devoid of religion, either in specificity or in generality. This is not a Christian thought or a Buddhist thought or a Muslim thought or a Jewish thought, this is a “whole of creation” thought. This is what Martin Luther King Jr spoke of when he talked about the arch of the universe bending toward justice. This is what Ghandi spoke of when he talked about an eye for an eye making the whole world blind. This is what Jesus spoke of when he said of people who have ears to hear and eyes to see. We must become WE instead of me. Me has broken us all into minutiae. Me has destroyed our connections so that we are black or white, red or blue, man or woman, child or adult, wealthy or poor, educated or backward, conservative or liberal. Me has divided us down into the no-common denominator, we are fractured, but not so fractured that we can’t be healed, it is my firm belief that we can be healed.

A month or so ago I was driving to work and I had, for lack of a better word, a vision. It was a vision of understanding, of being able to look at my life with new eyes, of being able to understand the twists and turns and flip flops and loop-de-loops, they all finally and clearly made sense. It was the feeling that everything that has happened in my life had led to something, not by nitpicking design but through gentle nudges and choices of myself and others.

It was a vision of clarity, of finally understanding that I was part of something bigger than myself, and I didn’t need to join something, I was already a part of it, I didn’t need to learn anything, I already knew all I needed to know, I didn’t need to be shown anything, I merely had to look at what was already in front of me. I pray that you would look at what is already in front of you. I pray that you would realize what I realized in that moment. Because our story needs you and it needs me, this is not a world where we are all the stars of our own movies, rather it is the golden globe winner for best ensemble, if you choose to join what you are already a part of.

Thus endeth the sermon, but not the connection.

Melodies Stuck in My Head 5

Hello, Goodbye - Summer 1998

For awhile during my junior year of college the chorus of this song was my voicemail,

Chorus:
Hello, goodbye
I'll see you on the other side
time has taken you away
now I have nothing left to say

We were friends long ago
best of friends since birth
you grew up weak
I grew up strong
time twisted you
time molded me
I believed in love
you believed in hate
but we always found a common ground
between our wrongs and rights

Chorus: x 2

We never knew each other
strangers through the midst of time
I don't know you
you don't know me
time changed us
but we're still the same
I believe in you
do you believe in me too?
but we never got to find a common ground
between our wrongs and rights

Chorus: x 3


Dreams come Reality - Spring 1999

Over the course of my life I have had my fair share of girlfriends, but I had a ton more crushes, this is about the girl I probably had a crush on the longest. The thing is later I found out that a good chunk of the time I had a crush on her she actually had a crush on me, which of course floored me. This song was written pretty much the day after I found out. I sang it in the car and wrote it down once I finally got to where I was going.

Is this what it feels like when dreams come reality
is this what it feels like now
the stars seems to be
a little more plentiful
the sun seems to be more bright

I've cared for you for so long
thought it was just a dream
I've thought about you nightly
for what seems like a lifetime
and now I'm far away
and now I've found out
my dreams could have been at least somewhat true
now I find while I'm so far away
my dreams could have included you
I don't know why
it takes so long to say the words I need to say
I don't know why
it takes so long to speak honestly

that's kind of the way it works
that's kind of the way it works sometimes
that's kind of the way it works
that's kind of the way it works in my life

Is this what it feels like when dreams come reality
is this what it feels like when hearts meet over distances
so many things in front of us
so many roadblocks
so many things that could have stopped us
so many things that did
but here I am now so far away
and I know the things that I wanted to
I know the things I wanted to

but sometimes that's just the way it is
sometimes that's just the way it is from time to time
sometimes that's just the way it is
sometimes that's just the way it is in my life

here I stand
well actually I'm sitting
here I sit and dreaming about you
I can't believe you were so close and nervous
I can't believe you cared what I thought
I can't believe you wanted me to think you were pretty
because I've always thought you were pretty
I can't believe you wanted me to think you were smart
cause I've always thought you were smart
I can't believe you wanted me to think you were funny
because you make me laugh so much...honey

yeah, that line was kind of lame, I agree
I'm better but not slick and suave
I'm better with a typed word than a spoken word
unless I've got a tune behind it
and I wish I was standing
holding a mic in front of a crowd
cause somehow then I can be so much honest
I can so much real
I can be who I am
but I'm not and I can't and I won't
so it's just a dream
just a dream

but is this what happens when dreams come reality
is this what happen when truth breaks through
is this what happens when hearts connect
over distances that can't be broken through
is this what happens when dreams come reality
is this what happens  when hearts break through
is this what happens when honesty is spoken
is this what happens when walls break down
walls break down
walls break down
who would have thought that dream come reality
who would have thought you'd give a damn
who would have thought we'd ever get here
who would have thought, what comes next?
who would have thought, what comes next?
who would have thought, what comes next?
who would have thought, what comes next?


Maybe I am Human - Summer 1997

I can't see the things of this world
they are attacking me in the dark
these demons I just can't see them
oh, oh, oh but I feel them
I walk around all night and all day
they keep hitting me blindside

Chorus:
maybe I am human
maybe it's just me
maybe this is the way
it is supposed to be
but I doubt it
yes, I doubt it

I know the truth of the matter
this is my fault no one else's
I lost my way and I just can't find it
oh, oh, oh but I need it
I walk around all night and all day
I keep falling down, what can I say

Chorus:

I believe in a God, but I hurt him everyday
in every single way I hurt him so bad
why do I do this, I just don't know why
oh, oh, oh but I need it
I walk around all night and all day
I wish I could stop, but I don't know how

Chorus:

out take:
I wish I could know the truth
I wish I could show the love
I wish I could be the one
I wish I could tell others
I wish I would just stop singing
I was I was more than human [spoken]


Would the World Care? - Spring 1998

You want an over reaction? Well this song is a classic example, I once again had a crush on a girl and she kind of blew me off, so of course I went back to my dorm room and wrote a song questioning whether anyone would care if I died. On a more serious note, if you are in one of those places where you are questioning if the world would care, I don't know if they would, but I sure would miss you all, keep living please.

Would anyone care if I died right now
would anyone even shed a tear
would there be people who cared
I don't think so, and I know so

Chorus:
would the world cared if I died?
would the world even notice if I wasn't here anymore?
would the world care if I died?
would they care at all?

you see, they don't understand my situation
but then again neither do I
for I'm lost down this lonely path
and my tears, they are all dry

Chorus:

I don't think so and I know so
that the world wouldn't think twice
they don't care about a poor soul like me
they rather I just die

but I'm not going to give in so easily
I've done that way too many times
today I stand and make my declaration
today is the day that I fight

Chorus:

Well today I don't care if they care anymore
I don't care if they'd notice at all
cause today is the day I start living
today is the day I survive


Song I can't Sing - Spring 1998

walking down this street
listening to the beat
tapping my feet
knowing where to go

Chorus:
hey everybody, won't you listen to me
I've got a voice and a heart
and a song I can't sing
because none of you will give me the time
and you definitely don't wanna listen to my rhyme
but I don't care, I'm gonna belt it out anyway

walking down this street
now I'm the one with the beat
hey won't you tap your feet
cause I know where to go
and if you're willing I'll lead you home

Chorus:

cause I've got the rhythm and I've got the rhyme
and I know the score
and I won't take it anymore
cause I know I'm just as good as you
even though you look down at me

Chorus:

Now I'm a happy man
because I had a voice
and I had a heart
and I had a song you didn't want me to sing
but I sang it any old way

Melodies Stuck in My Head 4

A Day in the Life - Verse 1 Summer 1999, finished Fall 1999

Alarm sounds at quarter till 5
I get up and get back in the grind
work at a job for a measly $5.50
work all day to put food on my plate
get home at 6 after a 9 hour day

when I was young
I had so many dreams
but dreams die
and dreams pass away
now all I'm left with
is this life

Had a kid at 16
got married at 18
she left the other day
with some guy for the city
his suit cost more than my car

guess she was done
we lost our dreams
our dream died
our dream passed away
now all I'm left with
is this life

Now the kid is 10
and I'm 26
he was my everything
but now he's gone
drunk driver took him out

guess he was done
he lost his dreams
my son died
my wife passed me by
now all I'm left with
is this life

there's got to be
something better than this
but I can't find it
there's got to be
something better than this
have you got a line on it?


Lilies Bloom Again - Winter 1997

every single day
in every single way
life goes on
life also ends
roses bloom
violets scream
and...the lilies bloom again

Chorus:
the sun goes down
the rain goes away
and the lilies leave
but...I wanna see
the lilies bloom again

walking down the street
running just to get there
life is good
life is bad
roses bleed
violets scream
but...the lilies bloom again

Chorus:

people going to see
they're gonna fly
God is good
God is great
Jesus bleeds
the rocks scream
and...we are going to live again

breakdown:
lilies bloom
lilies bloom
I wanna see the lilies bloom
one more time today

Chorus: x 2


Supposed to Be - Summer 1999

A break-up song, obviously. Interestingly enough we later got back together and then I ended it, so maybe I should have been alright with it the first time around to save both of us the pain of the next months.

the time of disease
that swept through me
a day of destruction
a day of pain

it was supposed to be
the one forever
it was supposed to be
the love of a life
it wasn't

I saw you today
and nothing has changed
the pain in my eye
was there just the same

B:
you were supposed to be
the one forever
you were supposed to be
the love of my life
you weren't

a lie for a summer
waited till the end
a lie of my love
burnt down in a word

B:

I saw you today
and nothing has changed
the love in my heart
somehow you didn't kill

I saw you today
and nothing has changed
the love in my heart
I wish you would've killed


Coffee Cup - Summer 1999

sitting in this booth
staring at my coffee cup
seeing her face everywhere
remembering the heartaches
of time gone by

the coffee burns my throat
and the pain collides
both physical and emotional
I hate her for this
I hate myself too

but the pain subsides
like every other time
and I'm left searching
with this broken heart of mine

there's got to be some hope
some hope for tomorrow
and there's gotta be forgiveness
for her from me

I used to carry hate
in a big bag on my shoulder
I used to roll in it
like a pig in mud
but here I sit and sing a new song

tomorrow I'll forgive
and start again
tomorrow I'll forget
and start anew (Repeat)

sitting in this booth
staring at my coffee cup
whishing her luck in everything
the heartache passed away
and nothing is left but hope


Higher Ground - Summer 1999

I wrote a song once
that talked of losing one's way
I felt incomplete
was thinking of letting go
but now things have changed
and I'm on my way

Chorus:
to higher ground
where the grass is green
higher ground
where the air is clean
higher ground
just my savior, my God and me

this road
won't hold me no more
this place
it won't be my home
this person
I've got to let go
and let God
and I'm on my way

Chorus:

this job
it won't control me
this money
it won't be my God
this choice
is mine
and mine alone
and I'm on my way

Chorus:

this word
I will not say
this friend
I will not lead astray
I've done that before
now there's pain inside
but I'm on my way

Chorus: x 2

Melodies Stuck in My Head 3

On My Way Down - Concert Version

At some point you will get the full version of this song, but it was revised Summer of 1999 for a concert that Lazy Sunday performed at the riverfront in Wheeling, WV. I was going to share both versions with you now, but with a quick look through Songbook 1 I couldn't find it, so you'll get the longer version some other day.

Intro:
I've lost my way down this street tonight
and I don't know why
I thought I knew this place
like the back of my hand

1:
I've loved you all my life
but now you have to go away
you were my father and my friend
but now God's taken you away
you were my girl and my wife
but now you say you don't love me
and I'm falling down

Chorus:
Tell me why I'm here
I've lost my way
haven't reached the bottom yet
but I'm on my way

2:
I'm falling through this space
and through this time
and everything else, I've lost my way tonight
help me get back to where I want to be
back to your side and into your love
but I'm falling down

Chorus:

Intro:


Untitled - Fall 1997

welcome to another year
it don't seem that different
'cause nothing has changed
years go by, some faster than others
and we sit here crying over nothing
all that we are
and all that we'll be
compares to nothing that you and I can see
we get older, doesn't everybody
and we sit here crying over nothing

we live together in a world far away
away from nothing except each other
we've loved and we've lost
and we've loved again
we've aged and we've gained
and we've paid the cost
sometimes when we are far away
we walk around with our eyes closed
and we yell at each other a little more everyday

I'm sick of the yelling
and all of the bitching
I'm sick of you and I'm sick of me
patience is a virtue, one I don't have
and hatred burns bright surrounding me
hatred for you and hatred for me
hatred, you see, for everybody


What if I? - Winter 1998

What if I woke and I was blind
what if my life flashed before my eyes
what if I wasn't who I am

I've lost so much I can't get back
to where I was and where it's at
and where we all began

What if I woke and couldn't hear
what if sin was the last thing I did
what if I wasn't who I am

I've been down this road before
it is bumpy and now I'm sore and lost
in the midst of this shame

What if I woke and couldn't feel
what if love was just not real
what if I wasn't who I am

But now I know love is real
God opened my eyes, my ears, my heart
and now I am who I am


Room Temperature - Fall 1999

Inspired by the same girl as Cosmic Love.

sitting alone
in the middle
of this crowded room
heart made of stone
in the middle
of where my life does look

Chorus:
breaking
my heart
killing
my love
hating
my life

blown away
and I can't get back
to where
I was and where
it's at
room temperature

Chorus 2:
breaking
my heart
killing
my love
hating
my life
what's new today


Lie - chorus Summer 1999 verses October 2000

The chorus for Lie was written for Lazy Sunday, which by this time had changed its name to Nevermore, though we never actually performed under that title, or at least I didn't, I'm not sure about the rest of the members, I went back to college in Indiana while everyone else was still in West Virginia, and my friend and I who started the band drifted apart the next year when I stayed in Anderson working over the summer. The verses were written later, inspired by another heartbreak in a long line of "fall quick and get hurt" episodes in my younger days.

I remember a day back
in last November
when we saw each other
with a new set of eyes
no other thoughts and no lies

we walked down the lane
in the soft, sweet rain
we held each other's hands
and each other's hearts
but now a new day is dawning
and you look like you're walking away
and all I have left to say is

Chorus:
would you lie to me
if you don't love me anymore
just lie to me
when you're walking out of my door
please lie to me

I miss the days
when we walked in the rain
and I can't stand
to see you with him
you held my heart together
now you're breaking it

Chorus:

I still remember
the feel of your kiss
and I still hear
the sound of your voice
singing me to sleep
but as you walk away
all I have left to say is

Chorus: x2